Loss

It’s amazing how your life can change in just a few moments. I had just posted my last update, where I talked about avoiding the holiday food overload and mentioned how hard it is to steer clear of my mother-in-law’s amazing baked goods. Never in a million years did I suspect when I wrote those words that I might never have the opportunity to enjoy her food again. My mother-in-law passed away suddenly on December 2nd at the age of 55. It broke my heart and shattered my husband’s.

There are difficult things in life that we all must go through and losing our parents is one of them. It is the kind of trial that is never easy. Losing my father in 2007 was the hardest thing I have ever been through and the emotional strain still resonates today. I am better now and much stronger because of what I went through when I lost him, but it is the kind of pain that you would never wish on anyone, let alone the one you love most of all.

Shawn and his brother were raised by a single mother. She was an amazing woman who did her best to make sure that they turned out to be amazing, capable men. She taught them to be self-sufficient, to be good-hearted, to treat women well. I feel like I am the recipient of her greatest gift to the world whenever I am around her son.

So losing her has changed so much of the focus in our world. I didn’t much feel like eating clean last week and so I didn’t. I indulged in a few treats, I skipped going to the gym and I just put my time and energy into taking care of my husband and helping him through the motions that go with the loss of a loved one. We had so many friends and family there to support us and it meant the world.

Now we look forward to a strange new life, one without my mother-in-law’s trademark giggle, her zest for life and her amazing, tempting cookies. We start our clean eating journey anew in the new year and, despite my resolve to give up sugar for my health, nothing in the world would make me happier than to be sitting around her dining room table sharing stories and coconut macaroons with her instead.