This weekend, I hit the stores looking for some new running gear. I haven't had much luck finding shoes yet, but I figured I could at least get some proper clothes. The shoe section was mobbed, but there was a great girl in the running wear section who picked out some things for me to try. The shirt and sports bra were perfect, but the pants... oh the pants.
My salesgirl recommended something tight and I was leery, but willing. I mean, I practically live in yoga pants and those are tight, right? Not like this. These pants hugged every single lump, bump and cellulite spot from ankle to waist. And it was not a good look. Actually, it was a horrific look. The pants didn't feel tight or uncomfortable in any way, but they looked hideous and they highlighted every spot I had become sensitive about since gaining back some of the weight I lost. The next pair I tried was no better and I called it a day.
For now, I can probably just run in my yoga pants and when I'm ready to try again I'll take a look at proper running pants. Shoes are definitely the priority, so I'm hoping to get to a Running Room and get properly fitted for those soon. I'm going to be doing P90X workouts this week, so other than the treadmill at the gym, I won't be doing a ton of running this week anyway.
But the whole thing at the store highlighted how body conscious I can be. I think of myself as not worrying too much about this little backslide - I still feel pretty good and I'm not at a point where I feel overweight. But seeing my legs stuffed like sausages into those pants made me realize that I have a long way to go before I'll feel comfortable showing them off again.
Part of it is mental - we are so preconditioned to feel bad about our bodies that it's easy to do, but part of it is also disappointment in myself for not being able to just shake it off and buy the darn pants. Who cares if I don't look perfect in them? Maybe I'm not there quite yet, but I'm hoping it will come. In the meantime, I think I need to spend a lot more time reading Operation Beautiful - and you should too.